Do you ever….

Do you ever just wake up on the wrong side of the bed??? I could not find my way to the sunny side of life at all today…everytime I looked up something else was blowing up in my face. While I am being a tad over dramatic, that is just the way it felt. As the sky came crashing down on me at 5 pm today, I completely gave up. I knew in my head that going to the gym would make me feel better, but I neglected. And I will have to muster some extra will power to hold the cringe from my face when I step on the scale tomorrow morning. But I am home and consoled myself with some chinese food….and a good movie. Can’t be perfect all the time right??

On a brighter note, the Summer 52 DC starts tomorrow and I am stoked. Nothing could be better for me than a new beginning.  I didn’t set extremely high goals for myself because I knew work was going to become demanding. Lets see what a new day brings shall we…..

Light at the end of the tunnel…..

Last night my bf announced that he has decided to go back to school. He starts on the 22nd of this month. I was skeptical at first, but he brought home brochures and information. I feel a little better now, but what will this change bring? The course is 13 months long, and will cost close to $18,000. The medical field is a good place to be getting into. I am just worried about his unemployment. What if he can’t sustain unemployment while he is going to school? You have to get it approved, and I am worried about the approval. And if that runs out he will HAVE to find a job. I think this is a step in the right directions, change is just hard to accept sometimes.

On the workout front, things are progressing nicely. I began stage 3 of NROL4W yesterday, and boy did it kick my butt. I felt really guilty though. My best friend gave me a roll of Sweettarts and I ended up eating them all at one time. But today is a new day, moving on! I can’t wait for the next challenge to start. Hard not to completely cheat when we are on this down time

The end…

Another 52DC has come and gone. Only one more day before the Spring one is over. I am happy and sad at the same time.  I have met almost all of my goals; I have come very close to the running one mile. It was such a nice day yesterday, I went for a run after I lifted. 1.93 miles….walked prolly half the time, jogged the other half. Felt amazing; its only the beginning. I am seeing many positive changes as we come to the end of this challenge. I am still struggling with my personal life though. I have found a couple different jobs for my boyfriend to apply for, but he won’t do it. I don’t understand. He says he wants a job, but won’t grasp any of the opportunities I am sending his way.  It breaks my heart to think that we will have to continue living off my small checks and his unemployment. On top of that, he spends like he still has a job. Beer here, dinner there, a new shirt, some new shorts…..We have gotten by for this long, I don’t know why we can’t keep doing. Guess I just need to chill out…..

Wednesday….

Tonight I have a turbo-kick class. Even though I have been working out for a while now, this class still kicks my butt hardcore.  That is the exact reason I enjoy it so much. I have decided to pick a project to complete every night: Straighten office, sort paperwork in office, clean off kitchen table, wash & FOLD laundry, keep dishes washed and put away. I feel like if I can get my house in order then mayeb I won’t feel so crazy all the time.  Sometimes I feel so out of control and I don’t like it. I am taking control. It is extremely nice to be able to hit the gym after work, and not worry about rushing through so I can get to class. And it is even better to come home and have a nice meal and relax for the evening, read one of the 8 billion magazines I own. Harvest is getting ready to start and I want control before that happens…..watch out world!

Stayin together…

My life over the past week has really been a trail. My best friend is trying to handle a pregnancy crisis, which means I am tryin to help her. Finals are this week, and I am hanging by the skin of my teeth. And I am still tryin to get to the gym and spend time with my boyfriend. When times get tough like this, I always try to remember something my grandpa told me…. “God would never give you more than you can handle, even if you think he has. It’s always darkest before the dawn.”

Another Thursday….

Another Thursday is upon us. This is gonna be a long post…just wanted to warn you…..

I’ve been having a lot of conflict in my personal life. My boyfriend still doesn’t have a job. So he spends his days sleeping in, sort of doing things around the house, going to baseball games, bowling, golfing, and going to hang with his friends. I’ve come to terms with that, but yesterday he said he is not sure how he is gonna get the rent paid. I understand he doesn’t like sitting around the house, but you know you have to have priorities. I am going to give him money to pay rent. I have to. I don’t know if I should ask him to pay it back though. He says he wants a job, but he doesn’t look. He wants to go back to school, but won’t apply to a college. Plus, we have been fighting about another girl. She is a friend of one of his friends. They have been talking a lot lately. I don’t think he would ever cheat on me, but I don’t like the thought of him spending more time with another girl than with me. Guess it just comes down to me being jealous. I am jealous that he gets to sleep in and spend his day doing whatever he feels like, and I have to spend my behind a desk and in a classroom. I’m just plain jealous and it kills me.

As far as working out goes, I think I am doing alright. Just about to finish Stage 1, and I am planning a week off from lifting before beginning Stage 2. I am going to be bored out of my mind, but I am going to do it. Maybe it will stop raining and I can go to the park or something.  The weekends are so hard for me to keep my clean eats!! I feel terrible because I work so hard during the week, and then mess it all up on the weekend.  One of these days I will get it right…..

Difficult….

For some reason this day seems to be getting more and more difficult. As many know I am soloing at work, and am starting to get really stressed out! This day and this week need to need to end now! Thank goodness I still get to head to the gym later tonight…

The longest week….

I think this is going to be the longest week of my life! I’m not saying I can’t do all the paperwork, but I just don’t want to…it’s really wearing me out. I could kick my own butt for not getting up and going to workout this morning. I was even pretty awake at 5, and I couldn’t motivate myself to get up.  Sometimes I really disappoint myself. Other than that, weekend was alright. Lost 1 CE, which is pretty good for me. I know the hosts everyday don’t mean to offend anyone, but it really chaps my butt when they tell me to watch those CE’s…they are only doing it so I can make myself better.  I am doing pretty well on my RT’s and CT’s.  Over half way to my goal on CT’s.  Steady going on my RT’s. I’ll finish Stage 1 next week, and I think I will take a week off before I begin Stage 2. Stage 2 looks like its gonna be rough! But I am excited for a new challenge.  Less than 3 weeks left in the semester…I’m getting excited!!!

Another day…

I think today has been a rough day. I am soloing at work and that has me a tad bit stressed, not too much though. The major cause of my heartburn is my lack of results. I know I am silly for wanting results so quick, but alas I am nto a patient person. Never have…..prolly never will be. Such is life! I have considering going to see a nutritionist, cost is $30 for 15 mins - $120 for an hour! While I believe this time ( and possibly money) would be well spent, I just don’t know. Laze has been a tremendous help and BBM, TNT, and many other give nonstop support. I couldn’t ask for me.

Just a little down today, and I want to go home and read the new Muscle & Fitness my bf bought, and watch my beloved Biggest Loser. I am skipping calc so I can spend some more time in the gym. I know I shouldn’t but my priorities are changing as I change. Maybe I could get a degree in Nutrition or Sports something-or-other…tonight will get better, so just have to get through the afternoon. Onward and upward!

Oh Monday…

It’s been a while since I updated. Been kinda hectic for me lately. Work is starting to get busy, especially since the other lady I work with is going on vacay.  School is dragging me down, wish the semester would end tonight. Scratchin by in most of my classes.  The Spring 52 DC started last week. That made me extremely happy.  I found that I am not as dedicated when I am not racing a bunch of other people. My goals are pretty normal: CE: 85/104, RT: 20, CT: 20, Lose 12lbs, Run a mile, Update TDP everyday, and update motivational thread everyday. Currently I am: CE: 7/10, RT: 2/20, CT: 5/20!!!!  Happy about my CT & RT so far. Really been focusing on getting the workouts in. But I let myself slip on CE’s three nights in a row.  Very disappointed in myself. And it shows on the scale. I have gained 2.2 lbs…..now I am really behind the curb.

Just goes to show that eating is a major portion of my weight loss journey. I think I am making progress, but maybe not enough. I still second guess myself sometimes. Gotta keep the head up…can’t settle for anything less than everything. I am also thinking about making an appointment to see a nutritionist. Maybe she can help me figure out why I’m not losing any weight. Hope everyone has a better Monday than me!